I am a real live tech support person. And I live in Tech Support Hell. SAVE ME!!!! UPDATE: I have been saved!
Wanted: Techs in Support Hell needed to help keep this blog alive!
Got another Kazaa user affected by the "software" that came with the default install. People... there is a reason why you don't just click "Next", "Next", "Next", "Next", "Next", "Finish" when installing software.
This is what happens:
Programs such as Kazaa, Morpheus, and several other "Freeware" apps can actually cause you to lose your Internet connection and you will be going round and round with tech support from your ISP and your PC manufacturer with each one blaming the other one. What looks to one like a software issue looks like a DNS problem to the other one.
Some of the evil programs include (and if you have worked in tech support, you have most likely run into these beasts):
New.net WebHancer Bonzai Buddy Gator B3d
I refer people to Counterexploitation's website to learn more about the programs and how to remove them, and to Pacman's Portal for a full list of startup items. Of course, I have to give the standard disclaimer that "< ISP > is not responsible for the content of these web pages. I am not trying to infer that < ISP > is in any way affiliated with these sites. I am only telling you this as one Internet user to another. Capice?" I also "recommend" installing Ad-aware to clean the crap off their hard drive once and for all.
Situation: Cust can't get online, only has two lights on cable modem
Me: What lights are on right now?
Mrs. Customer: Power and cable. PC is out.
Me: Let's try checking the cable between your computer and the modem. Try unplugging it and swapping the ends that connect each device. Plug the modem's end into the computer and the computer's end into the modem. You should hear it click into place.
Mrs. Customer: I don't think that's the problem.
Me (with disdain): well, what do you think the problem is?
Me (aside): Great, you called tech support, and you know what the problem is....
Mrs. Customer: I think it's a DSN problem.
Me: You have a database that you are working with? (knowing full well she meant DNS)
Mrs. Customer: Uh, no, why?
Me: What makes you think it's a DNS problem? You only have 2 lights on the modem and the one that's out is indicative of the connection between the computer and the modem. Let's make sure you have a good connection before we start troubleshooting DSN issues. :)
Just got off the phone with a guy who wanted to schedule a tech to come out and install his computer, printer and fax machine. I explained to him that we don't provide any support for those items and he would need to talk to a PC Technician regarding that. He was nice about it and told me that we have previously come out to his place and installed all his devices last time he moved. I don't know who he was thinking we are, but we definitely did not setup or install his printer or fax machine. I mean, I really can't see any of our techs doing that for a customer unless it was some VIP. This would be comparable to calling the highway department to paint your car. They just are not gonna do it.
Problem: Cannot connect to the Internet after reformatting Hard Drive. When trying to release the IP address shown in the IP configuration (winipcfg on a Windows machine) the button that says "Release", not the one that says "Release All".
Consideration: For some reason HP EN 120 NICs like to reset their IP addresses to be statically set at 192.168.1.1 after reformatting the hard drive and re-installing the NIC drivers. I have spoken with several customers who have just finished a reformat and are not able to connect. There should be no problem connecting after a reformat and reinstall since everything is supposed to default to DHCP. Yet, for some reason, HP NICs do not do this.
The poor tier 1 rep... Situation: Customer can't seem to shake a 192.168 address. Release/renew gets the same one back. Customer does NOT have a router.
Considerations: An IP address starting with 192.168 usually means there is a router in the picture, or some type of LAN, because that address is not usable on the Internet. Usually the router is connected to the modem (on the router's WAN or Internet port) and then to one or more computers (which kind of hide behind the router on a LAN). It is my company's policy (a very large cable ISP) that we not troubleshoot customer's home networks, and in fact we are supposed to directly connect the modem to the computer. So naturally, the rep asked the customer several times if he had a router. He swore up and down that he didn't have one.
Complicating this was the fact that only one light on the modem was actually on, but the modem was pingable (online) in our modem tool. This modem should have 4 solid green lights, and one flashing (ACT) when all is good.
Resolution: In this particular case the modem was a Surfboard 3100 and had a switch on it that can effectively put it into standby mode. The modem also has a DHCP server built in to it, throwing the CSR a total curveball when checking the IP address on the computer. Computer's IP address was 192.168.100.11, and this was a dead giveaway to me, since I had seen this modem do this a few times before. The switch putting the modem in standby was a new one for me, but I had heard about them doing that previously.
It's these types of calls that make me feel good about the job I do as a Tier 2 rep because the customer was stoked when we got him back online and I was able to answer all of his questions about how and why this happened. Woo hoo for me!!!
2 calls in a row for entirely unsupported issues....
Mr. Customer I can get online with your service, but my wife uses AOL and she can't get it to work. What do we need to do?
Me Call AOL
< click >
Mrs. Customer My monitor is only showing me a black screen. I can hear the computer running but the monitor is just black.
Me No blinking cursor?
Mrs. Customer No, Nothing.
Me Is this a Dell or a gateway computer?
Mrs. Customer Yes. It is a Gateway.
Me Then, you should call Gateway.
< aside >
yeah, call your ISP because your computer is not working.... That's like calling Caltrans or the DOT because your car won't start.... Grrrr.....
Mr Customer I can't get my POP mail at work, but I can get it from home. I was wondering if you had any idea why I can't get it from work.
Me Does your work have a firewall, router or anti-virus program in use?
Mr. Customer Yes.
Me Well, if you can get the email from home, and all your settings at work are correct, then there are obviously no problems with our servers, and your account is working fine, so that leaves only the work environment.
Mr. Customer Ok, that's what I thought.
Me (after muting) Then why didn't you check with your fricking IT department, you idiot!!!!!!!!
And of course, my favorite, the "Network Engineer" called in to complain about how awful the service is. He is in the middle of an outage which has been happening for the last week as we are trying to upgrade some hardware at his gateway/headend.
Mr. Customer "I was a network engineer with (< OLD ISP >) for 3 years and we had one outage in the whole time I was there. I have have had 8 since I have been with (< NEW ISP >). I could probably fix your problem in 10 minutes if I came over there."
Me, after hitting Mute "Of course you could. You are a *&^*$%*&%*&%*ing network engineer, you asshole!!!!!!!!"
Ugggh how I hate network engineers. The funny thing is I am studying to be one (already got my MCP and CCNA). But I will have compassion for my ISP. Unless they really suck. And I mean really suck.
Got a guy now who can't open emails about the women he is meeting online. He wanted to put in a - instead of a space when running the following command: regsvr32 urlmon.dll . He was not sure what the difference was between the two.... Perhaps this explains why he is trying to meet women thru the email?
