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Haywood Jahelpme (aka Tech Support Hell)

I am a real live tech support person. And I live in Tech Support Hell.
SAVE ME!!!! UPDATE: I have been saved!
Wanted: Techs in Support Hell needed to help keep this blog alive!

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

.: 12:10 AM
posted by daddy-o


It seems that there are quite a few broken links around here after I moved and let my old logins go for a while. I decided that I was getting too much spam at my old email addresses so I am letting them idle for a month or so. If you come across any dead links, please let me know...

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Tuesday, January 27, 2004

.: 11:56 PM
posted by daddy-o

RSS Feed

In case any of you geeks out there are interested, we now have an RSS feed thanks to my friends at Google! I love it!!

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.: 11:40 PM
posted by daddy-o

Almost there

Well, I start the new job on Monday so I thought I would pop in here and say hello to everyone. Thanks for all your positive vibrations and kindness. It really means alot.

On a consumer note, my new job has allowed me the luxury to invest in some home audio equipment. YEAH!!!!

The bonus check from my previous employer still has not come, but it really doesn't matter at this point. I could care less but wouldn't send the check back were they to send it out... Anyone from < ISP . net > wish to comment on that???

Well, I will check back in when I have gotten a little more settled in at the new gig...

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Monday, January 12, 2004

.: 8:39 AM
posted by Tech

The endless loop from hell

The loop
Cust call in very angry insisting that we (her ISP) has given her computer at work a virus and now she is in a lot of trouble with her IT ppl at work. I asked her what her work computer was doing that made he think that and she told me it keeps sending a rejected e-mail notification to her .net mail account. As it turned out she hade her work PC set to forward any e-mails it received to her home e-mail account and she let the home e-mail account over fill. Well the over full server sends an e-mail to the sending PC letting it know that the mail box is too full which then forwards that message to the home (too full) e-mail account and the cycle repeats. It was good for 4500 msgs in 24 hrs. Why her IT ppl didn't figure this one out I'll never know. She then asked how to make it stop......Well Duh lady just turn off the forwarding

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Thursday, January 08, 2004

.: 8:36 PM
posted by daddy-o

Nando's Goodbye

In honor of my official last day working for < ISP . net > I am posting this bit of hilarity...

I got this email about a year and a half ago, and have saved it since it was sooooooo poignent (sp?). Note that this was sent to the entire company from this fella's corporate email account. I am only posting this since I no longer work for < ISP.net > and they can't really do anything to me now... Mwahahahahahaha:

Good bye everyone, I got fired today. They haven't shut off my e-mail account yet so i get a chance to say good bye. I will miss you all. I just want to say that Bert is an Inept Manager who should have never been promoted to the HSI Techincal Supervisor and the Fig is a militant a**hole who micromanages and makes everyone hate their jobs. I say bert is inept for many reasons, most of which have to do with his lack of technical capabiltiy or knowledge. The people in HSI stay away from ever asking bert for assistance on anything technical because they know that he will either reply with some innae BS or an all too quick "I dunno, ask Lou" Alot of people say ask Lou... and for good reason, Lou should have been promoted to Supervisor and not Bert. Lou is one of the most skilled and competent people in that department and he recieves little recognition for his skills.

As for me... I have been a squeaky wheel in the < ISP.net > Corporate Machine. When everyone in < competitionISP.net > was passed over during the "Pay Adjustment" i stood up in an all employee meeting and demanded an answer of why. I was reprimanded for that but i knew i would be and i Didn't care. I know there are those of you who feel the same way about alot of the things that the majority of the management staff does. Be afraid to speak up, for they will find a way to terminate you.

About 9 months ago I was written up for Insubordination when I made a joke to Bert. Periodically i have been maligned and joked about and called various things such as slacker and the like. And while some of this may be true, I knew my job and I did it well. I handled escalation calls and advice calls. I was always there to lend a helping hand to any of my piers or bosses. I saw this coming and I'm kinda glad it happend. I woke up every morning dreading coming to work. I hated every minute of my time there during the last year. The only thing that redeemed this place was the people I worked and interacted with on a daily basis. You know who you are, you all know who you are. I want to say a hearty good by to each and every one of you. I really liked working for < ISP.net > with you guys. And I will miss you. Those of you who knew me can feel free to contact me at n***********@hotmail.com I would love to keep in contact with you.

Four hours later that same day there was a follow up email from someone else, also sent to the entire company:

Human Resources has asked that Nando *****'s service not be turned back on until an investigation of possible abuse has been conducted. If this individual calls he/she is not to have service returned with out talking to the Northern Virginia HR department.

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Tuesday, January 06, 2004

.: 8:29 PM
posted by Tech

Non supported issues

Me: tech support this is the big pickle, I can help you!!
Clueless Cust: I can't get online.
Me: How many lights do we have on the modem right now?
Clueless: All of them.
Me: And how many would "all" be?
Clueless: Uh 3....
Me: I see that you have a router there mam, can you please reset the
modem and the router for me?
Clueless: I don't have a router.
Me: Yes you do, I can see it right now!
Cluelesss: Let me put my husband on the phone.
Me: Hello Sir I need you to reset that mdm and that router.
Sir: We have 5 computers hooked up here and only 1 is online.
Me: To self hmmmmmm
Me: to sir, that is not supported by us.
Sir: It's not??? We pay a lot of money for this connection!!!!!!
Me: Yes sir that is right we provide you with "the connection" to the mdm,
what you do with it after that is up to you.
Sir: Well that is not fair!!! (to self life is not fair LOL)
Me: Sigh.......
Me: Sir please reset both devices and if you still can't get online after that
you will need to call "the ROUTER vendor".
Sir: Uhhh ok....

Calls back 20 min later I get the luck of taking this customer again!!!!

Me : Sir this is still a non supported issue I see the router is still hooked up.
Sir: What I should I do now???
Me: Like I suggested the last time we spoke call the router mfgr. I gave him
that toll free number and bid him farwell.

Sheesh you think that they would get it... But I suppose that is too much to ask...

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.: 8:12 PM
posted by Tech

What's a tech to do??

Here is a recent suggestion from one tech to another.......

Here check this out, if you get a customer that is being a
d--k and here's what you should do, put them on hold and if
they have another phone number on their acct its probably
their cell number or another number in the house, just
transfer to that number, can you imagine... f---in funny!!! :)

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.: 5:08 AM
posted by daddy-o

Talk about an idiot

This guy was lucky he didn't get fired...

Last nite as our nite shift Team Manager (she is a rather large woman) was walking thru the floor, she was a bit chilly so she had her arms tucked into her shirt and one of the Tier 2 reps says (he has a rather loud voice, so we could all hear him):

Clueless Rep: "Wow, what happened to J******'s arms?"
To which I figured, without even looking, he is probably joking with her and she is probably cold and just has her arms tucked inside her sleeves. That's fine.

Then he blurts out:
Clueless Rep: "And her tits are bigger too!"

After I picked up my jaw from the floor, I stood up. I am not sure if I said it or thought it but the first thing in my head was "Did he really say what I think he said?" to a MANAGER no less!

So the other 3 of us who were in the immediate range of this fool gave him a good talking over. He is one of those guys whom I have no idea whose dick he sucked to get to be a 2nd level rep, but there must have been some suckage on the way since he is just about clueless....

I mean, he coulda been fired over a STUPID comment like that... Fortunately for him, she heard us giving him hell so she let it go. What an idiot!

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.: 2:57 AM
posted by daddy-o

The Big Pickle

Welcome to our newest blogger:

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{The Big Pickle}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

The Big Pickle has been reading this blog for almost as long as I have been writing it. As it turns out, The Pickle is also in Tech Support Hell and would like to "carry on the humor and have a place for tech support people to vent, after you exit. I have been a fan of the site for a while."

Wow, a fan! How about that! Well, welcome aboard Pickle. Over and Out.

If anyone else is interested in joining, please let me know here.

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Monday, January 05, 2004

.: 10:53 PM
posted by daddy-o

What floor are you on?

Somehow, customers get the idea that Tier2 is on the second floor of some magical mysterious tech support building.

Customer: I was just talking to Michael downstairs

I stopped commenting back a long time ago:
Me: Downstairs? You mean Level one?

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.: 2:15 AM
posted by daddy-o

A visionary customer

Me: Go ahead and click on start.
Me: We already did that.
Me: How do you know what I am going to do next?
Clueless Customer: I don't.
Me: OK, Click start then search
And you know what? It WAS something he had not done with the last rep! Pfffft!

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.: 1:52 AM
posted by daddy-o


I was googling Outlook Express error number 0x800ccc0d and I found this page...

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.: 12:57 AM
posted by daddy-o

And your problem is??

Crazy Customer: I have been on the phone for an hour now and you are the third person I have talked to. And I need to go to sleep!
Me: Hmmm.
Crazy Customer: I can't get on the internet!
Me: So you want to call us back in the morning when you are < MORE PLEASANT > awake.
Crazy Customer: Well, I need to get this working now.
Me: Did they give you a ticket at level one, by any chance?
Crazy Customer: Nope.
***Authentication of customer***
Me: So what exactly is happening?
Crazy Customer: When I try to get on Internet Explorer, it tries to dial me up.
Aside: And this guy gave an accurate description (suprisingly enough)
Me: And Tier 1 couldn't fix that?
Crazy Customer: Nope. Not surprising huh?
Me: Well, I think we can handle this one.
Crazy Customer: Well, that's weird. It's working now.
Me: Really? I didn't do anything....
Crazy Customer: But, I can't get my AOL.
Me: You mean your AOL e-mail? That isn't anything I can help you with.
Crazy Customer: Yeah, my mail. What do you mean? It used to work!
Me: Well, you don't need to connect to AOL to check your AOL email, from what I hear... You can go to their website and read it there...
Crazy Customer: Oh, OK. Bye!
Me: Thanks for ca--

I wonder what he was expecting in his email. People stay on the phone for the strangest reasons....

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Sunday, January 04, 2004

.: 3:22 PM
posted by daddy-o

I'm sorry, but that is not anything that we support...

Being tech support for a corporate bohemoth kinda limits ones ability to "fix" your customers' computers. I provide tech support only for the Internet connection, not the computer itself. This actually gets me out of a lot of jams, since most problems are on the customers' equipment, not on the ISP's side. I started a thread in the forums about this. Tell me what you would recommend if you could...

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Saturday, January 03, 2004

.: 5:52 AM
posted by daddy-o

Jaco Strauss' Tech Support Excuse Generator

WOW!!! I wish I had seen this site 3 years ago when I first started here at < ISP.net >!!!

Jaco Strauss' Tech Support Excuse Generator

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Friday, January 02, 2004

.: 5:39 AM
posted by daddy-o

And what do you think???

Me: So from the notes it sounds like you cant get an ip address?
Mr. Customer: Well that is not what I think is happening.
Me: Why don't you tell me what you think is happening...
Mr. Customer: I can't get on the Internet! I keep clicking on Internet Explorer and nothing comes up!

So how is that any different from what I said? I describe the source of the problem and the customer is telling me about all the consequences... I decided to not even go there with him, since I could tell he was pissed off! Sheesh!

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